I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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