I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
