I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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