I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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