Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
