actually, I'm a sock model
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ladies don't puke and tell
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
