I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
