i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
