she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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