it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
