I was born with a shot glass in my hand
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I believe in your delicious
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
