people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
