TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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