I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
