im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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