That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
