I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
