youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
