My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
