Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
