i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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