the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hippo gnu deer
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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