Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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