My Higher Power is John Stamos
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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