Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
