morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
