You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
