do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
