i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
