Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
