Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
