what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
