I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
