Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
