don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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