Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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