we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
