I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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