The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
