You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
