i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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