dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
