I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
