I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
