I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
