Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk is not a location!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
