I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
