you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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