he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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