I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't put those talents on a resume
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
