small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
