This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
