Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
