it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
