He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was like eating out sand paper
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
