I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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